WHO ARE THE POWERFUL VICTIMS AND WHY YOU SHOULDN’T BE ONE
*This article is not about criminal or civil victims and discusses the victim mindset mechanism instead*
Story #1:
Jee is born in a family where material things are scarce and hard to come by. His parents work hard to provide them with the necessities and love, but it never seems to be enough for Jee.
Jee thinks he is a victim of life and what happens to him is unfair. His parents should have done more to give him what he wanted, growing up. Until today he still shows his resentment to others that seems to have it all.He don’t think highly of people that comes with money or status.
Story #2:
Kelly started working part-time in a fast food restaurant during her semester break. She met John during her lunch break and they fell in love pretty quickly. Not too long after the couple moved in together. Kelly is not happy with the fact that John never helps to tidy up the apartment.
John justifies that that it is not his fault that he doesn’t help out. He already has much to do at work and he is tired when he is home.
This is why he comes home from work and lies down on the couch the whole evening until they go to sleep.
Story #3:
Sheldon is the CEO of a very successful video game company that he worked hard to establish for that last 9 years.
He has to be watchful on his employees and imposes many rules and restrictions to ensure that his employees are staying sharp and worthy of the pay check.
He gets angry when things are not done his way. He thinks his employees do not understand his methods and they have to be put into place.
You would have met characters like Jee, John or Sheldon in your life from time to time. They are displaying a powerful victim mentality/mindset, known or unbeknown to them, and uses them extensively to take charge, and sometimes exploits the situations.
Their characteristics are useful for them, and it gets great results to enable them to have what they set out to achieve.
A Victim Mindset: Someone with a mindset of being used or to be used to achieve an ulterior motive, either consciously or unconsciously.
We are all capable of having this trait. It is a card we play because we know it is a powerful problem solver. Some of the fundamental reasons for us to play that card would be as following:
1.It has worked in the past – Remember and Repeat
Your body and mind remembers that it has worked in the past and it’s a familiar territory to repeat and get what you want.
2.Certain triggers – Your Button is Pushed
Some aspects of your life may spur the victim mode in you. It could be a scenario, it could be a person, It could be something you have negative emotions tied to it.
3.Honouring your value – Your true Identity is Compromised
When it’s a must to be fulfilled and nothing else has worked.
It is important to be able to spot and understand when you are using victim mindset in certain aspects in your life. Make notes on how you react a to situations driven by the following emotions:
Anger/Frustration – Anger can show up in different forms. Body language, assault to self and others, hysterical laughter, tears, and hurtful passing on comments are some of the symptoms. Anything you do to get sympathy from someone else.
Denial – If you feel that everything happens to you is someone else’s fault.
Mood Swings – Change of mood from Sadness to Anger and being stuck in this cycle, sometimes giving conflicting reasoning and justifications.
Fear – There’s no other way out and you just need to do this to escape.
Self-Absorbed – The world runs the way you say it does, and nothing can change that.
In the long run …
This coping mechanism in the real world can produce highly successful results. It is however, hard to say if you do feel content and satisfied with your responses and well being. To dig deeper, the underlying reasoning for such responses needs to be understood and explored. A good attitudinal assessment such as the Energy Leadership Assessment is great to help you to understand your energetic make-up in a day to day scenario and can help to improve your overall responses to a stimuli.
In summary, it is understandable that you don’t want to get away from it, since this mindset provide you with lots of comfort and securities, but it is not a place you want to be at constantly and consistently. Some of the Impact of victim mindset are the following :
Fuels on Negativity/ Feeling Lethargic/ Physical and Mental Health Issues/ Negative Social Circle/ Hard to Overcome Sudden Bad Situations/ Prone for Depression/ Being Misunderstood/ Increase of Power/ Lack of Reality/ Goal Oriented
A victim mentality is not something you are born with. It’s a coping mechanism that has worked well in the past. If you are willing, the time to change is NOW.
YES It is very difficult and trying to change this mindset(Change is DIFFICULT!), but having someone close to you to champion you through and shift your being to positive energy would be beneficial. Get professional assistant (A coach could be a good fit) to help you shift more efficiently and wholly.
If you have a choice (you always do!) to get rid of this type of unhealthy mindset from your life, are you ready to take a leap? There are many other dimensions of mindsets that can take you to your vision with less energy spent and more fulfilment. schedule an appointment with me now and let’s get started.
ps: If you are surrounded with typical victim mindset community most of the time, it is time to reassess your social circle and make sure that you have equal or more amount of POSITIVISM around you as well. you would also want to equip yourself with methods to deal with the situation and thrive from it.
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Yaamuna Aldragen
Transitions and Problem Solving Coach
CPC, ELI-MP
Start with a New Vision, Succeed with a New Life
My mission is to lead individuals and corporations to remove resistance and inner blocks and provide them with valuable tools and insights to live, thrive and succeed in the life they dream of.
I work with individuals and organisations to find clarity in their visions while they are transitioning in any aspects of their life. I help you to realise and understand your personal values that are important to you, and how you can live, enjoy and be in control of your life by finding your true purpose and undiscovered potentials that lies within you by using tangible methodologies.
My passion is in enabling everyday leaders to find success in their field without compromising on their authenticity and passion.
I coach in 6 languages (English, Mandarin, German, Malay, Tamil, Kantonis).
More information regarding the author : www.yaamuna.com
